


you don't need to say anything

by Kittyyy



Series: Romanogers Fics [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Feels, Mutual Concern, Not A Fix-It, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sad and Sweet, totally platonic cuddling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24169552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittyyy/pseuds/Kittyyy
Summary: In the aftermath of the snap, Natasha and Steve find themselves the last ones left in the tower and take comfort in each other's presence.Basically, post- Infinity War feelsWarning: this is canon-compliant and there isn't a fairy tale ending. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Series: Romanogers Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757425
Comments: 22
Kudos: 57





	1. Unspoken

**Author's Note:**

> In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm addicted to writing fluffy one-shots but I figured I would try writing a longer fic so here goes. 
> 
> I'm probably going to keep this mostly canon-compliant but just be talking about the time in between killing Thanos and doing the time-heist. 
> 
> As much as I ship Steve and Natasha, I personally don't think anything romantic happened between this time (although it is very well possible, it just doesn't seem very plausible in my head) but I do think that they took care of each other during this time so I just wanted to write something about their time together alone in the tower. 
> 
> So basically, I'm going to keep it mostly platonic and just them caring for each other. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

In the beginning, there was hope. They worked tirelessly, trying to find some way to bring back the people that they’d lost, undo the snap. They convinced themselves that there had to be some way. It seemed impossible that they were all gone, just like that. It felt too terrible to possibly be true. 

Finding Thanos felt like a win. Discovering his whereabouts and confronting him felt like a win. Killing him seemed like it would be a win but killing him didn’t bring anyone back. They were still in the same situation as before, with less hope. Hope. A feeling they hadn’t felt in a long time. 

Months passed. One by one, the tower emptied. Tony retired, Clint disappeared, the rest of the superheroes left scattered until it was just the two of them: Steve and Natasha. Alone. 

Well, they weren’t alone. They had each other of course, but the tower was as quiet as ever. It broke both of them, it being so quiet. Steve found himself trying to get away as much as possible as Natasha found herself more and more wrapped up in the memories surrounding them. Yet, neither could ever stop helping people. It had been their mission for so long that it seemed hard to even think about stopping, they just found themselves pursuing it in different ways. 

However, despite their differences, they never stopped needing each other’s support. They always had really; they had always been there for each other no matter the circumstances. Now was no different. Despite Steve being away most of the time, they still paid attention to each other, always making sure to check in and make sure the other was doing okay. 

The simple question, “are you okay?” was quickly taken out of commission, for both Steve and Natasha knew that they would never really be okay, and it just became a hug. A hug that said, “I’m here”. It was the unspoken support that each of them needed, just for the other to wrap their arms around them and be there, even for just a second. 

They fell asleep a lot like that, on the couch with both of his arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly, as he would bury his face in her shoulder and for a while they could just pretend that none of this ever happened. For some time, they could fall asleep and be safe from their nightmares, because they never seemed to come when they were together. 

Tonight was just another one of those nights where they fell asleep wrapped around each other. It was never anything sexual, though from an outside perspective it may have looked that way. They had a random Disney movie playing out in the background, though neither of them was really paying attention. One of Steve's hands ran up and down her back, drawing circles soothingly until he could tell that she had long fallen asleep, her breathing having had slowed. He knew that he would eventually drift off too, to be woken by the morning sun a few hours later and having to face the real world once again. Dreading the idea, Steve tried his best to stay awake, trying to pull time to a stop. He dreaded the fleeting of time that came with sleep but it eventually took him over. He couldn’t stay awake forever. 

-

He wakes up with her in his arms, still sleeping. The sun was shining through the east windows, casting an orangish light across the room and over Steve and Natasha. Steve hates having to wake her up, but he knows that she will kill him if he lets her sleep too late. 

“Hey, Nat. Wake up,” he whispers, untangling his arms from her gently. She slowly comes to, blinking the sun out of her eyes. They’re dull, not holding the brightness that they once did, but that’s a common feature nowadays. No one’s eyes hold the same hope and light that they once did. She sits up and he follows, sitting beside her and rubbing her back soothingly. Her blondish-red hair flows down past her shoulders messily. She brushes it out of her face and turns to look at him. 

“Where are you going today?” she asks, knowing that he’s probably off to lead a support group. It’s his way of helping people and she admires it, despite the added cost that is he’s not there much during the day. 

“I have to go to the support group in about an hour,” he replies, and Natasha nods. She can’t say that she’s by any means surprised. She had known the answer already but asked anyway for the sake of speaking. 

“I’ll be back around noon, Nat. It shouldn’t be very long,” he adds quickly, and Natasha quickly realizes that she had let some semblance of disappointment show on her face, which was probably what spurred him to make the comment. She quickly pulls her guard back up, masking her features once again.

“Stop it, Natasha. Don’t do that.” 

“Do what?” 

“Stop hiding. It’s okay, it’s just me. You can let your guard down,” he says softly, bringing the hand on her back up to squeeze her shoulder comfortingly. She simply stands up, her eyes void of any emotion. 

“I’ll see you when you get back,” she replies, completely ignoring his statement, before walking out of the room. She doesn’t know where she’s going but she knows she doesn’t want to risk breaking down in front of him. 

Steve just watches her go. He knows what she’s doing: putting her walls up and shutting him out. He recognizes the act, as he’s seen her do it so many times before, but this time he’s scared. He knows she’s in a bad place and he’s scared of what she’s going to do to herself, but he knows that he can’t confront her now. It would be too soon; she wouldn’t even consider opening up to him. He eventually decides to leave it and go to the support group where he knows there are other people who need his help as well. It hurts him to leave her, but he doesn’t know what else to do, so he tries not to think about it. Easier said than done. 

-

Natasha finds herself in the gym soon enough, punching at the bag hanging from the ceiling. She doesn’t even bother to wrap her hands, not caring whether it hurts her or not. She stopped caring long ago. 

It feels like the darkness has enveloped her. She knows Steve can see it but doesn’t acknowledge it to him. She doesn’t want him to see her darkness. 

Eventually she starts thinking about them, her team. God, she misses them. They were her family and now they’re all gone. That’s what hurts more than anything. 

She doesn’t even realize she’s crying until two hands close around her wrists, restraining her from hitting the bag. For a moment, she doesn’t even process that it’s Steve, that he’s back, or that she’s been punching the bag since he left three hours ago. She just stands there limply, tears rolling down her cheeks and she tries everything she can not to collapse, no matter how badly she wants to. Eventually, his hands let go of her wrists and she feels strong arms wrapping around her, hugging her tightly. That’s all it takes for her to collapse and he lets her, holding her up when her legs can’t anymore. They eventually find their way to the floor and soon enough, she’s in his lap, clutching his shirt and crying against his shoulder until no more tears will come and she’s just shaking against him. 

He doesn’t say anything, knowing that no words will ease her pain. All he can do is be there, and for her that’s feels like enough. 

She doesn’t know how long they sit there, him holding her. It could have been minutes or hours and she wouldn’t know which. All rational thought had left her to make way for the constant ache of pain. She eventually feels him press a kiss to her hair and for some reason, that’s what it takes for her to jump back to reality. 

“Steve…” she tries to say something, but her voice fails her. Bringing her head up from his chest, she just looks into his eyes and she lets him see her. She lets him see everything. They don’t talk, just sitting there with their gazes locked. It feels almost like a conversation is happening silently, the most truthful conversation they’d ever had because eyes don’t lie. They saw each other, truthfully, for what somehow felt like the first time. 

“I’m here,” he whispers, burying his face into her shoulder. “I’m here.”

It feels like enough.


	2. Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the AC breaks, some realizations come to light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I am writing fanfiction instead of studying for all the finals next week... But once I'm done with those, I'll have more time to write (hopefully) 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

In her defense, Natasha always loved peanut butter sandwiches. They were almost like a comfort food, something that Clint introduced to her when she first joined SHIELD. However, as time passed and she shrunk deeper into her depression, she found herself indulging in the comfort of the simple meal more and more until soon enough, they had become breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Unfortunately, what she found comfort food could not at all be considered health food. 

She didn’t even really notice the weight change at first. It had become a habit for her to avoid looking in mirrors, not wanting to see the scars that covered her body in fear of having to relive the terrible moments that gave them to her, so when she started loosing the weight, it never really bothered her. She was never really hungry, and often just ate so Steve would leave her alone about it. 

The surprising part was that he didn’t notice either. She wore a lot of hoodies and sweatpants, so she could easily hide the drastic change in her figure. It wasn’t supposed to be deceiving at first, just what she found comfy. Had the AC in the tower been up to date, neither of them would’ve noticed. Alas, Tony’s latest upgrades were over five years ago, and the facilities were in major need of upgrading. FRIDAY told them about it constantly, but Steve and Natasha found themselves in a habit of just shushing her whenever she piped up about something. Steve has a hunch that eventually, the AI just gave up on them. Not that he could blame her. 

It was a Tuesday morning, 1,746 days after the snap (Steve couldn’t help counting). Natasha had woken up around eight and found herself feeling like she was going to die under the covers. She got up, already sweating in her sweatpants and oversized t-shirt. The room felt like a sauna, but not a nice one. It was like a much too hot, filled with sweaty people, sauna. Natasha was about to go down and ask Steve what the hell was going on when she heard him knock on her door. 

“Hey, Nat? Are you awake?” she hears his voice drifting through the door, quickly going to open it. 

“I am now,” she grumbles, running a hand through her tangled hair. “Why is it so hot in here?” 

He steps inside and she sees that he’s wearing nothing but a thin tank top and shorts, sweat beading on his forehead. 

“How are you not dying in those sweatpants?” He asks after looking her over curiously. 

“Oh, trust me I am,” she replies quickly. “I just didn’t get the chance to change before you showed up.” 

“Sorry,” he mutters. “I don’t really know what’s going on. Everything was fine last night and now it’s like a million degrees in here.”

“Mr. Rogers, Mrs. Romanoff, the AC is well beyond needing replacement. I have been warning you about this for a couple months bu- “

“Thank you, FRIDAY,” Natasha interrupts. Neither of them really wants to hear a ‘told you so’ right now. 

Steve just sighs before bringing a hand up to wipe the sweat off his brow. 

“I’m going to change into something more apt to the temperature. I’ll be right back,” Natasha says before grabbing a little used tank top and a pair of gray cotton shorts. She changes quickly before looking in the mirror for the first time in what feels like forever. She’s seen her face in the mirror of course, but she had always been wearing something more and didn’t notice her figure change. Until now. 

She takes in the sight to see that she’s lost a significant amount of weight, her ribs showing through the tank top. She had always been a thin person, but it had never gotten to this point, being so clearly unhealthy. Natasha knows that the moment Steve sees her, he’s going to be concerned and that’s the last thing she wants. She doesn’t want him to know anything more than he already does about her current space of mind. So, she does what she has apparently been doing for the past couple of years: she puts on a hoodie and steps out of the bathroom, trying to act like everything is normal. 

When she steps out, she finds Steve sitting on her bed, pressing a cold water bottle to his forehead to attempt to cool himself down. He smiles at her at first until he asses what she’s wearing and the smile fades into confusion. 

“Why the hoodie? It’s over 90 degrees in here.” 

She shrugs, trying to act nonchalant and hide the fact that she’s sweating her ass off under the thick article of clothing. “It’s comfy.”

Steve just raises his eyebrow and she can tell that he doesn’t believe her. Usually, he leaves it at that, recognizing that she doesn’t want to talk about. This time, however, it was different, and he didn’t even consider dropping it. 

“Natasha.” He just says her name, using his best Captain America voice. He knows that she’s hiding something, and he realizes that she’s probably been hiding something for years and he didn’t notice. That just terrifies him. 

“What?” She is trying her best to act like nothing’s wrong, but she knows full well that Steve can just see straight through it. After all, he always has. 

Steve just stands, walking over to her. He doesn’t reach out, not yet, until he’s sure that she won’t retaliate. She drops her head, not able to look him in the eye. Natasha hates lying to him, but the habit of closing herself off is too strong to stop herself. 

“Nat, what’s going on with you? And don’t say nothing because I know that there’s something. Please just be honest with me.” 

She doesn’t know what spurs it, maybe it’s what she sees in his eyes or hears in his voice. His familiar blue eyes are full of something: love, concern, pain. For her. She listens to the way his voice cracks in concern, even fear. Everything just piles together, and Natasha realizes that hiding isn’t just hurting her but him as well. So, she pulls the hoodie off and over her head, followed by tank top so she’s standing there in nothing but a sports bra and shorts, exposing herself to him. It breaks her heart the moment she sees the look on his face full guilt and concern. 

“Oh, Nat,” realization flooding through him. He reaches out for her, putting a hand on her shoulder and pulling her into a hug. Some tears begin to accumulate in her eyes, and she doesn’t try to stop them from falling. After a few moments, he lets go of her but stays close, a hand still resting on her shoulder comfortingly. 

“You haven’t been eating…” he points out and he kicks himself for not realizing sooner. “Oh Natasha, what…” he trails off, not finishing his sentence when he realizes that everything he’s about to say she already knows. 

“I guess I can’t live on peanut butter sandwiches,” she jokes dryly, but Steve can’t find it in himself to laugh when he’s just so goddamn worried about her. 

“I’ll call the contractor to come fix the AC. Then, we’re going out,” Steve orders. It’s the only thing that he can think to do, to try to get her out and eat something. 

“I don’t really feel like it, Steve,” she protests weakly. 

“It wasn’t a question, Nat. You’ve locked yourself in here for the past five years, so we’re going out and we’re going to have fun,” he replies straightforwardly.

She just sighs and pulls her tank top back on. “Fine. One hour.” 

“Two?” He raises an eyebrow in question. 

“Two. That’s it.” 

Steve just grins. “Good. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated so feel free to drop a comment if you so wish. Also, if you have any suggestions for future chapters, feel free to share. Thanks for reading!
> 
> -Kittyyy


	3. The Memories We Don't Mind Remembering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has his mother to thank for teaching him how to braid hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what goes on in my head at 3 am when I'm supposed to be sleeping. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

“Let me braid your hair.” 

The words came unexpectedly as they were both sitting on the couch, sweating their asses off in the summer heat. They had gotten the air conditioning fixed (thankfully) but there was only so much that the system could do against the raging glare of the sun through the windows in the tower. Not to mention the prices, which had gone up since there was less business and the companies desperately needed money. Unfortunately, money was not as easy to come by for two people who didn’t have actual high-paying and stable jobs. Tony still paid for most of the things for tower maintenance remotely, but neither Natasha nor Steve wanted to keep giving him high bills for a facility that he didn’t even live in anymore. 

“Seriously? I didn’t know that you knew how to braid,” Natasha’s response came, her shock showing through her face. 

Steve nodded slowly. “My mom taught when I was a kid. She told me that it would be useful if I ever got a girlfriend.” 

“Did she seriously say if?” Natasha tried her best not to laugh, though she knew full-well of the fact that Steve had not always been in as amazing shape as he was now. 

Steve just laughed in response. “I don’t think anyone had much confidence in me at that time. Not even Bucky.” A hint of sadness crept into his voice as he was reminded of his old friend, but he quickly pushed it away before Natasha could notice. “Anyway, I was serious. You look like you’re dying with all that hair.”

She rose an eyebrow steadily. “I can braid my own hair, you know.” 

“I know, Nat, but just let me do it. Just this once. I sort of miss braiding, and it’s not like I can do it with mine” he pointed out, gesturing to his own short hair before throwing puppy-dog eyes in her direction.

She just sighed. “Fine.”

Steve just grinned and tugged at her arm to get her to turn around on the couch. She did so, so she was sitting in front of him with her legs tucked under her. He pulled himself up and mimicked her sitting position, so he was behind her with his knees brushing up on either side of her waist. 

“Lean your head back,” he directed, and she followed obediently, tilting her head back slightly so he could have access to the top of her head. He ran a hand through her hair in a quick attempt to comb out the tangles before gathering a portion of her hair at the top of her head and beginning to braid it. One strand after the other, gathering hair from either side of her head each time. It was mindless, simple, just how Steve had remembered. She has beautiful hair, he realized. It was soft and silky and worked perfectly into a braid. Eventually, Steve ran out of extra hair to pull in and continued to just braid it to the bottom gently. 

He was definitely gentler than she was when she braided her own hair, and she had to admit that it was soothing. It reminded her of when she and the other girls in the Red Room would braid each other’s hair. It was one of the few childhood memories that she didn’t hate remembering. 

“Do you have a hair tie?” the question came as soon as he finished, and Natasha promptly pulled a black hair tie off her wrist and handed it to him. He took it and quickly wrapped it around the bottom of the braid, keeping it in place. 

“See? I’m not that bad at it,” Steve pointed out, triumph in his voice as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. 

She just laughed and turned her head slightly to the side so she could look at him. “Is this some weird form of a hug?” 

He just smiled. “Something like that.” 

She smiled back and leaned her head against his, accepting the hug in the best way that she could. It was awkward at best, but it proved her point just as he had proved his. 

‘I’m here,’ 

That was all that they needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just a short, fluffy chapter without a ton of real substance to it, but I hope you all enjoyed anyway!
> 
> As always, if you have any feedback, ideas, grievances, or whatever feel free to drop a comment if you so wish. Hope you all have a great day/night and are staying safe and healthy!
> 
> -Kittyyy


	4. Nowhere but here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares have plagued them both for years, but they've gotten worse after the snap. Luckily, Natasha and Steve have eachother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the Romanogers fandom is literally like 75 percent nightmare fics and I told myself that I wouldn't beat a dead horse and write yet another one but I honestly just couldn't help myself... so here ya go :) 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

Nightmares were nothing new to the Avengers. All of them had been experiencing them for years, most a result of their inevitable PTSD. It was an unspoken rule for them to never talk about the things they heard after the fact. It was common for whenever someone on the team heard or saw another having a nightmare for them to comfort the person, but everyone knew that what happened late at night stayed there. 

After the snap, Steve and Natasha found themselves having more nightmares than ever. Without the chaos of life with the Avengers, they had found themselves more stuck inside their heads and memories, which brought nightmares galore. 

It was the scream that woke Natasha up from her own nightmare. She had dreamt of watching Thanos snap away half of life again and was grateful for the awakening from her hellish nightmare. However, a moment later it sunk in that the screaming was coming from Steve. 

Natasha wiped her own tears and pulled on a hoodie, walking quickly out of her room and to the elevator up to Steve's floor. She raced to his door, knocking loudly. 

"Steve? Steve, are you okay?" She called in. The whimpers continued and no response came, spurring Natasha to go ahead inside, not wanting to hear Steve suffering for another second. 

Upon entering, the assassin walked up to Steve's bed slowly, sitting down gently at the edge. 

"Steve? Hey, wake up," she reached out to put a hand on his shoulder and shake him lightly. He trembled for a moment before finally opening his eyes, tears streaming down his face. The look in his eyes was haunting, empty and dark with pain. 

"Nat?" he whispered softly, as if he couldn't believe she was there. She just nodded in response, giving his shoulder a squeeze. 

"I'm here." 

That was all it took for Steve to barrel into her, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face into her shoulder. She accepted the hug warmly, rubbing his back soothingly. No words were said aloud, but there was an unspoken conversation hanging in the air. Finally, Steve spoke. 

"Can we spar?" The question surprised Natasha but she didn't raise any question, just nodding. 

"Yeah, of course." 

A couple of minutes later, the two of them found themselves in the gym, climbing into the ring. He pulled off his shirt to allow more range of movement and she did so as well, tossing the articles of clothing over the side of the ropes.

"Don't hold back on me, Natasha," Steve said, his voice almost grave. She just nodded. 

"I won't. You don't hold back on me either," she replied, smiling a little. He returned the gesture, but Nat could tell that it was fake, so she brushed it off. He didn't waste any time going at her, making a single attempt to bring her down using force. She easily sidestepped him, but he was prepared and swung around to grab her arm. She twisted around in his grasp, sliding a leg behind his ankle in an attempt to unbalance him. It worked to some extent, but unfortunately for Natasha, he didn't let go of her arm and brought her down with him. 

Steve wasted no time rolling over to try to pin her down, but Nat was faster. She wriggled free of his grasp and slid out to the side before he could get on top of her fully. Pushing herself off the ground, the spy hooked an ankle around his elbow, trying to bring him back down but this time, he was expecting it. He shifted his body weight just in time to be able to lift his arm so he could catch her ankle, preventing her from moving out of the way. 

Steve then twisted around and used his strength to pin her, crawling over her. His forearm was at her throat, simulating a real fight but he wasn't applying an pressure, careful not to choke Natasha. 

"Nice move soldier," she quipped, trying to lighten the mood but immediately stopped when she saw the look in Steve's eyes. There were tears gathering, threatening to fall. Nat reached up with one hand to grasp his shoulder, wordlessly asking for him to release her. He caught on, slowly climbing off of her and collapsing at her side, letting the tears fall off of his cheeks. 

"What was it about?" Natasha asked quietly, and they both knew what she was talking about. 

"Thanos," his response was short and soft, as if he couldn't even trust his voice. 

Natasha didn't say anything, simply entertwining her fingers with his, and rolling over on her side to face him. Sensing her movement, he slid over and his arms around her, pulling her close to him and gripping her tightly as if in fear that she was going to slip away too. 

Burying his face into her hair, he finally spoke, his voice a mere whisper. "It was different, Nat. I watched Thanos snap again but this one was different. He snapped you too. You turned to dust in front of me and I couldn't save you. I lost you, Natasha." His voice cracked at that, unable to keep it steady any longer. "I- I can-'t loose you Nat. I can't. I can't loose you too." The last part was more a plea, as if he was begging the world not to take her from him. 

"Steve, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here." 

And he believed her. He believed her when she said that nothing would happen to her. He was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before writing this chapter, I didn't really have a direction this story was going in and was mostly keeping it a series of sort-of related one-shots, but writing this gave me some clarity and I can see where it's headed now. 
> 
> The next chapter will more than likely be the last and wrap up the story. I have a pretty clear idea of what the main premise of the chapter is but not all the details yet. My goal is to wrap up not only the story, but give the conclusion to Nat and Steve's canonical relationship that we didn't get in Endgame. So, you can probably see where this is going. 
> 
> Basically, my goal is to make you cry. 
> 
> As always, if you have feedback, ideas, grievances, etc. feel free to drop a comment below if you so wish. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed! 
> 
> -Kittyyy


	5. Unforgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was never really gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well all, here is the final chapter. 
> 
> I'm not going to say much about it except that you should probably go get some tissues. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

"See you in a minute." 

Those would turn out to be the last words that she ever said to him, though he didn't know it at the time. 

He didn't realize that when they returned, they would have one less member of the team than when they left. And that person would be Natasha. 

He didn't realize that when they returned, she would be gone. Dead. Her body laying at the bottom of the cliff on Vormir. 

And he most definitely did not realize how much it would hurt. 

Because goddammit, it hurt. 

Every smile, every laugh, every quip, every tear. All of the memories of her haunted him. It was all seared into his memory; the way she fought, the way that she felt in his arms, the endless teasing that he loved her so much for. 

He misses her so fucking much. 

Eventually, they win. 

They beat Thanos and bring back everyone. Everyone except her. 

Because you can't win without loosing a little. 

Steve can't help but think back to the time that he layed with her on the floor of the gym and told her how terrified he was to loose her and she told him that she wasn't going anywhere. He resents the thought now that she's gone. 

Two weeks passed after that day in the gym before Scott showed up with his plan for the time-heist. It was a rough two weeks, but it was no different than the past five years. However, despite everything, they had eachother. 

He would braid her hair every day and they would spar or run or go out to eat. Eventually, they always found themselves on the couch together, wrapped around eachother. 

They would kiss eachother, but it was never on the lips, never romantic. They would both kiss the other's cheeks, hair, chest, arms, everywhere but their lips. It was more a sign of comfort and peace with eachother, a way of showing that they loved and cared for each other. 

He loved her so much and he lost her. 

That hurt more than anything. 

So, when Steve went to return the stones, he made quick work of all of them, all except the soul stone. When he arrived at the cliffs of Vormir, he had no intention of leaving quickly. 

Returning the soul stone was quick of course, but that wasn't the only thing that he came for. The other was in the form of a woman lying dead at the bottom of the cliff. 

He made the trek up and down the mountain easily, but slowly, almost in fear of what would come at the bottom. When he finally made it to the bottom of the cliff, he found himself standing in front of the body of the woman that he loved so much. 

His memories took him back, all the way to when he met her on the helicarrier and she told him about Coulson's trading cards. It then went on, their mission together to find the Winter Soldier, the moment they spent together in Sam's house and he told her that he trusted her. To the fight against Ultron, when they stood at the wreckage and she saw the beauty through it all. Then on to the civil war, when they found themselves on opposite sides yet she helped them anyway, letting them escape. Through the fight against Thanos and their loss, then their time together alone in the tower. Then back, here, now: to him standing in front of her body, laying lifeless against the stone. 

Steve knelt down beside her body, reaching over and pulling her lifeless body up and against him. Hugging her, kissing her cheeks and hair and forehead one last time. Burying his face into her shoulder and crying against her, one last time. 

He let the tears fall, let his cries echo against the cliffs. 

It was her words that echoed in his head then, her voice that he could hear. 

"I didn't want you to be alone." 

The words that she said to him when he lost Peggy, his last tie to his old life. It struck him then, the realization that she was never going to leave him. She'd always be there, in his heart and mind and her voice in his head. 

And she wouldn't have wanted him to be alone. 

So, he goes back. He lives out his life, doesn't go into the ice. He sees the end of the war and grows old until he finds himself sitting on the bench and staring off across the lake. 

And when Sam asks him the question, his response comes in an instant. Because all these years she's been dead, she was never really gone. Natasha Romanov would forever live on inside of him, unforgotten. The memories, the things that she helped him realize, and how much she helped him. And one day, he would be with her again. One day, he would be able to tell her how much he loved her. 

Or maybe she knew, and he suspected that she did. After all, they never needed to say anything. It was all there. 

Every single sentiment up to the most important one. 

I'll never stop loving you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely hope that you all enjoyed this fic. I had so much fun writing it and I appreciate everyone who supported it. 
> 
> For those who expressed a want for their relationship to extend past friendship, I'm sorry that it didn't get there in this fic. It honestly just didn't fit with how I wanted this storyline to go, but I promise that I'll be back soon with something to fulfill that wish :). 
> 
> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> -Kittyyy


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